t!His Youth Group Blog

The other day I received an anonymous question through formspring.com (an app on my Facebook profile). I currently have 220 Facebook friends and it could’ve come from any one of them—I’m not going to try to guess who might have sent it (although I do kind of hope it didn’t come from my pastor). Since I work with a group of incredibly awesome high school teens, I’m going to answer the question as if it were asked by one of them.

The thing is, it’s a question that a lot of Christians—both adults and teens—ask themselves at one point or another and some never find a satisfactory answer. It’s also one of those sorts of questions that we prefer to keep to ourselves. The danger of keeping these kind of questions to ourselves is that we begin to think we are the only ones who have ever felt like this and that that must mean there is something “wrong” with us. So this might be a good compromise…we can have an open, honest discussion here but you can remain completely anonymous.

Here is the first question, followed by my “short” answer:

Question from Formspring.com:

sometimes i feel like i live a fake christian life. i feel like i sin a lot and expect God to forgive me because he HAS to. and i HATE feeling like that. i feel guilty and terrible about using God!

so what should i do? i mean, if i don’t wake up one day–i don’t want to go to hell. i want to be accepted into His kingdom but i don’t think i’m good enough. do you have any advice for me?

My “Short” Answer:

The short answer is that we all sin a lot and fail God in many ways but His love will never fail us and we don’t have to be good enough to deserve His love. I’ll post a longer answer on my blog in a little while and will put a link to that in the comments to this status. In the meantime, I really want to talk to you because I think I might be able to help you work through this. Please message me or text or call me (my phone number is listed on my info tab) so that we can talk. If you live in the area, maybe we can meet somewhere and talk face to face? In case you don’t know me, I can assure you that I am not judgmental or condemning because I know that God’s love is for everyone no matter where we’re at or what we’ve done. I’ve been far from God in my life and done plenty of wrong, but He still loves me!
So please get in touch soon!

The only thing I want to add to this in the post (I will be adding more in the comments later) is that we discussed this question in our high school Sunday school class last week and one of the points that was made by our teens was that as part of my answer I should share that every one of the teens involved in the discussion said that they have felt this way at some point in their lives. They felt it was important for the person asking this question to know that they sometimes feel the same way. I think that it’s pretty cool of them to be open and trusting enough to be willing to share that! I sometimes find myself feeling this way too.

In response to my first answer, this friend followed up by asking:

Question from formspring.com:

i’m not sure i’m comfortable letting you know who i am, even though i know you and i know you’re such an accepting guy and would never judge me. it’s just….i’m ashamed of my sin i guess. maybe it’s because i’m a total perfectionist. i feel like God won’t accept me like i am because i sin. and i know that He loves me no matter WHAT but it’s hard to see that when i feel like the biggest thing He see’s about me is my sin. i want to be able to accept myself and see myself as God sees me, but it’s hard.

I understand your reluctance to reveal you identity and that’s ok. I always caution people to be careful about what and how much they share with others because some things are so deeply personal and some people (especially in group situations) might not respect a person’s privacy. If you ever do want to let me know who you are, I can assure you that I will respect your privacy. In the meantime, you’re wise to err on the side of caution! What is important is that you are willing to talk about your struggle and you are seeking answers. I have talked with teens and adults who have struggled with all sorts of sin—some that you would consider “petty” and some that you would probably be shocked and and possibly consider “unforgiveable”—and they carry a heavy load of shame and guilt that only God can lift from them. In God’s eyes, all sin is the same and all can be forgiven. It isn’t my job to judge, but just to let God’s love show through me. I’ve also talked with teens and adults who have been the victims of other people’s sins but blame themselves and feel shame and guilt for things other people have done and they need God’s love and healing to lift that shame and guilt from them too.

I want to direct you to one of my favorite passages in the Bible, Romans 7:4-8:2, where Paul talks about his own struggle with his sinful nature. I hope that you will see the similarities between what you are saying and what he says because you are both expressing the same thing! Paul was a perfectionist too. He wanted to be sinless, but kept finding himself sinning. Here is what he said:

Romans 7:4-8:2 (New International Version)

⁴So, my brothers, you also died to the law through the body of Christ, that you might belong to another, to him who was raised from the dead, in order that we might bear fruit to God. ⁵For when we were controlled by the sinful nature, the sinful passions aroused by the law were at work in our bodies, so that we bore fruit for death. ⁶But now, by dying to what once bound us, we have been released from the law so that we serve in the new way of the Spirit, and not in the old way of the written code.

(Struggling With Sin)

⁷What shall we say, then? Is the law sin? Certainly not! Indeed I would not have known what sin was except through the law. For I would not have known what coveting really was if the law had not said, “Do not covet.” ⁸But sin, seizing the opportunity afforded by the commandment, produced in me every kind of covetous desire. For apart from law, sin is dead. ⁹Once I was alive apart from law; but when the commandment came, sin sprang to life and I died. ¹⁰I found that the very commandment that was intended to bring life actually brought death.

¹¹For sin, seizing the opportunity afforded by the commandment, deceived me, and through the commandment put me to death. ¹²So then, the law is holy, and the commandment is holy, righteous and good. ¹³Did that which is good, then, become death to me? By no means! But in order that sin might be recognized as sin, it produced death in me through what was good, so that through the commandment sin might become utterly sinful.

¹⁴We know that the law is spiritual; but I am unspiritual, sold as a slave to sin. ¹⁵I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. ¹⁶And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good. ¹⁷As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me. ¹⁸I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. ¹⁹For what I do is not the good I want to do; no, the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing. ²⁰Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it.

²¹So I find this law at work: When I want to do good, evil is right there with me. ²²For in my inner being I delight in God’s law; ²³but I see another law at work in the members of my body, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within my members. ²⁴What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body of death? ²⁵Thanks be to God—through Jesus Christ our Lord! So then, I myself in my mind am a slave to God’s law, but in the sinful nature a slave to the law of sin.

Romans 8

(Life Through the Spirit)

¹Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, ²because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit of life set me free from the law of sin and death.

The part I italicized and bolded is essentially the same as what you said! And then he goes on to say that it is because of what Jesus has done, taking our sins on himself and facing suffering death as the penalty of our sins (“For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord.” Romans 6:23) he has given us his righteousness and has made it possible for us to come before God with his perfection. So when God looks at you the biggest thing he sees is NOT your sin; what he sees in Jesus’ perfection in you!

I want this to be more than an answer to your question. I want it to be an ongoing conversation through the comments below. I think that it is vitally important for you and others to continue to talk about this and raise more questions and struggle with answers.

One thing that I would like to add is a suggestion that might help you to be able to accept yourself and see yourself as God sees you. You’re right—it is hard! This is what helps me: I pray constantly that God will help me see the people around me the way he sees them. I realize that I have been a horrible person but God has forgiven me. Sometimes it is difficult (especially when somebody is really annoying or has done something “horrible”) to see that other people are just as deserving of God’s love and forgiveness as I am. It helps me to pray for other people because then I start loving them. And when I start loving them I begin to see them the way God sees them. When that happens I experience the Holy Spirit working in me as God’s love flows through me to the people around me who need to experience that love. By doing that, I am giving up more and more of myself and letting God have more space in my life and my heart. And the more space I give to him, the more clearly I see how much he loves me!

No one has to log in or identify themselves in any way to comment on this post. I hope that you will take advantage of this opportunity to share your thoughts and concerns and struggles anonymously and with openness and honesty and, above all, with hearts filled with God’s love!